"I found it! Here you go. You should be set with this," said Maureen.
I reached out my hand and accepted the brochure from Ken's mother like a field trip kid, "This is perfect! I think this is all I need, thanks."
The brochure was colorful and full of exciting images that were naturally many shades of blue. I thought about it for a minute and wondered when the last time I was at an aquarium. I recall that I once visited an aquarium in the 4th grade for a school field trip. Today, after almost 20 years, I was about to have my 2nd experience at the 2nd largest aquarium in Japan. It had been so long that the images in the brochure made no connection with my existing memories. I quickly folded the brochure in half, creased it and tucked it away in my back left pocket and followed Maureen outside.
I opened the door to Maureen's miniature green automobile and slid myself in. Bang! I shut the door and made the buckle go 'click' for safety.
As I was starring out the window looking at houses, I hear Maureen's voice asking me, "Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?"
I replied with, "It's okay, you don't have to go. I think I can find it by myself. Besides, if I get lost I will just ask someone."
Honestly, I just didn't want to trouble her. She told me earlier that she's been there a few times before showing relatives around so I just figured she really wouldn't be interested in going. Also, Maureen is such a nice woman she would never say no. I didn't want to put her in that position to have to feel like she had to say yes.
"Okay, if you say so. Have fun!"
I waved goodbye as she was driving off in the distance. Ironically the smaller her car got, the more I started to worry about getting lost. Japan's railway is nothing short of stunning and sometimes in all that 'stunningness', you get your ass be-humbled. In the back of my mind I was hoping this wouldn't be one of those, "Damn, where I am?" excursions.
Finally, as I ascended the stairway to the station my final mental flag was raised. I paused for just a moment and thought about what I was about to do. Was I really going to do this? Was I really about to spend the day at an aquarium in a city with a metropolitan population of nearly 20 million......alone..with just my camera? I quickly reached back and took the brochure out of my pocket and unfolded it searching for any kind of reassurance. By this time the paper was softer to the finger tips but that really wasn't going to cut it. Then I tried to read a few lines but for some reason the words felt like they were all just scrambled together. I wasn't reading well. I turned the brochure onto it's backside. Surprisingly, the images felt warm and fun. They had a certain appeal of enjoyment mixed with learning that was pulling at my interest. Upon climbing the last stair, my indecisiveness retreated and with the next step I was bound for an entirely new unforgettable experience.
I sat on the train daydreaming about what a wonderful chance this would be to test out my new lens. Suddenly, a foreign object was shoved against my side as a lady wiggled her way to comfort with her purse. My spell was broken and I sat there in amazement over the fact that I was getting all 'dorked' out about using my new lens. What was I becoming?
The aquarium was a refreshing experience that I haven't had in a long time. It's not often you get to see 'Creatures of the Deep' from inches away....well, unless you're an aquarium season pass holder, but c'mon... really. There were many tanks all strategically placed so the customers can have a pleasurable visual experience, but in its confined structural state, I felt like I was in a maze. Dark halls, blue rooms, strange people, all eluded to the feelings of being disoriented and out of place. It was like another world. I took out my trusty camera and I swore I heard whispers of envy, but maybe I really didn't. I took a few shots, but not really getting anything I was satisfied about. I just felt like something was missing. I took shots of fish, alligators, penguins, and even pictures of other people. I even took pictures of people taking pictures of other people. Still, there was something not right. After a while, it finally hit me. Like a shovel to a face, I realized that I was the only one there alone. I looked to my left and watched a family sharing 'ooooohs and aaaaahs'. In front of me was a slick man wearing flip-flops and a popped collar polo shirt holding the hand of a beautiful, soft skinned beauty queen. She posed as he took her picture next to the whale shark with his cellphone, "Kaa-chii". Loneliness surrounded me like a pack of wolves around evening's prey. I felt trapped and wanted to leave.
Soon, the onslaught of loneliness was hard to bare. I searched for somewhere to sit and when I sat down it was the loneliest I've ever felt in my entire life. Everything that surrounded me made me feel empty inside. I was without friends or family. I thought if I had suddenly disappeared, not a soul here would notice. No one knew anything about me let alone my name. And when the day would come to and end, not a soul would have known I was there.
I didn't know what to do so I sat there for what seemed like just 5 minutes. When I looked at the time it had already been 40 minutes past. I felt somber, but relaxed only daydreaming about what it would be like to be at the aquarium with friends. The laughter, the smiles, the small talk you just naturally do amongst your friends ... ironically became my kryptonite. Slowly, this deserted feeling started killing my motivation to take pictures and if I wasn't there to take pictures and have a good time, why be here any longer. I made the decision to leave. I stood up and walked towards the exit and I felt a rush of joy knowing I was going to leave this solitary aquarium behind.
I put my hand on the exit door. The cold steel felt like ice to my fingertips and then from a short distance I heard the words, "Excuse me." I pulled my hand off the door and turned around to look at what had addressed me. A middle aged man was walking towards me holding out his hand. In his hand was a silver boxed camera.
"Would you please take a picture for me?"
I didn't hesitate, "Sure, no problem."
I composed the image against a bright blue wall of water with small swimming fishes in the background, "One, two...three" and snapped the shot.
"Thank you very much," bowing as he as he received his camera.
After this short encounter, I stayed for the rest of the day.
I often wonder about fate and destiny.....is it real? Is it something that we can change or do we create our own destiny with the choices we make? Before the day started, I already made the decision to go to the aquarium. Also, I chose to go home and abandon everything and then something simple like a man asking me to take him and his wife's picture changed my entire day. What is that? Fate? Coincidence? Luck? It boggles me that something so simple meant so much. It affirmed that even though I was feeling extremely lonely, I was there creating something that could potentially last a lifetime. The picture I took for the couple is now a memory they will share forever. Every time they look at that picture, it may bring them fond memories of a good time they once had. However, that was just ONE picture. The man reminded me that I wasn't just taking pictures for other people, but taking pictures for myself. After I realized this, I didn't want to give in. Photography was testing me and I was on the brink of failure. I had always just imagined that photography was so simple. All you have to do is just point the camera at something interesting and click the button. However, the more I learn about this art, the more I feel like I'm starting to challenging myself. There are trials within photography that I am still learning to overcome, but because I chose to stay at the aquarium I became stronger. I guess this is another reason why I like photography so much.
Lucky for me, this year I was able to attend 2 graduation ceremonies because more often than not, school related ceremonies in Japan are all usually on the same day. I don't know if it really means much to the kids for me to show up in a suit and attend their graduation, but to me...teaching a class with 10 kids for almost 2 years and knowing after they graduate, I would probably never going to see them again.......... To me it meant a lot.
Mizuhami is the newest school in the Tohoku and was built in 2001. There at a total of 62 kids here and 12 of them were graduating this day. What I will remember most about this school years from now is that this was the best singing school of all Tohoku. Not just by a little but by a landslide. Every school visit, they would practice singing before for recess for 15 minutes. After practice they could go and play. They took it seriously because during the town singing demonstration, they had these special choir uniforms. The boys tragically had these shorts there were mighty damn short. They didn't even pass half their thighs! Cute looking, but definitely not steezy. It didn't matter though because once they opened their mouthes, perfect harmony and pitch charismatically filled the room. They sang like little angels. It was touching.
Eiko
